the parish

Jim Wallis Not On The List

Time featured the 25 most influential evangelicals in their recent issue. The link goes to the photo essay on their site. The usual suspects are there: Dobson, Graham and Graham, Haggard, Hybels, etc. A couple surprises as well: LaHaye, Santorum, and Cortes. A couple non-evangelicals made the list as well: T.D. Jakes, Joyce Meyer, and Richard John Neuhaus. Surprisingly, McLaren and Noll made the list, which is good news. Strangely, Stephen Strang made the list. Really? The publisher of Charisma Magazine is one of America's most influential evangelicals? Wow. A couple scary ones too: David Barton, Richard Land, and Michael Gerson. We were horribly disappointed at those who were overlooked:

• Joel Osteen
• Jesse Duplantis
• Paul and Jan Crouch
• Robert Schuller
• Jerry Jenkins (hey, LaHaye made it)
• Jeanette Oke
• Helen Steiner Rice
• Kirk Cameron

I thought evangelicals were supposed to be known for their Christian faith. Some of these folk are known for being financiers, politicians, and lobbyists. What has the Church come to? Dobson was on Scarborough Country tonight defending his attack on tolerance: "I never said SpongeBob was gay." And he didn't, but that doesn't make him less pathetic.

Into the Lion's Den

I just finished the story on Christianity and talk radio. It runs as the cover story for the Oklahoma Gazette on Wednesday (2/2). The center-piece of the story is a radio personality named Ron Black. He's a five-point Calvinist, has an M.A. in theology, works for Trinity Foundation (the publisher of The Door) helping the homeless, is nearly a Libertarian, and despite our theological differences, I genuinely liked talking to him. He sort of holds the piece together because he exemplifies the differences that divide our communities.

Anyway, he's invited me on his radio show the day the piece debuts. So, sometime between 3:00 and 6:00 p.m. CST, I'll be on WKY AM 930 here in OKC. (I'll post the time when I know it.) You can listen online (I'll post the link later too.) if you're not local. Most of his listeners lean way to the right, so I feel like I'm venturing into the lion's den. He's a nice guy, and if it were just a conversation between the two of us, it would probably be pretty civil. However, the mullet-sporting W-worshippers are a different matter. We'll see how a poor anabaptist like myself fairs on radio.

I interviewed three conservative personalities and one moderate. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the conservatives had really thought through their positions and were very concerned about separating what is Christian from what is conservative politics on their shows. My major concern remains however, and that is that Christianity is too complex to be treated fairly or well on a medium that militates against nuance and complexity. Wednesday might be a very interesting day.

Pray: Follow-Up and Ass-Whuppings

Okay, tons of responses to Pray. Nobody said anything at all about praying to get something. That strikes me as odd. Doesn't Jesus say "whatsoever you ask in my name, you shall receive"? Isn't that pertinent to any theology of prayer? Are we not to ask for things specifically? A friend with cancer. A young family torn by misunderstanding. A single mom in need of a job, money, car, etc. Aren't there things we ought to pray for believing God will do something? Shouldn't I be an interventionist if I'm a Christian? Which is to say, if I believe God acts in this world on specific issues, and firmly believe that God acted most decisively in the form of Jesus, should I not believe that God will act again, especially when Jesus seems to indicate that is precisely the case? I'm not saying that all this talk about communing with God is inaccurate; it's happened to me a few times, many years ago. I am saying it seems a bit incomplete. It's something we settle on because we've been disappointed too many times or we're just afraid to ask or we lack faith. There I said it. Sometimes I lack faith. I want to believe that God will provide a healing or money or sanity, but I can't make myself overcome the many prayers that have never been answered. So I don't even ask.

Second issue. Civil discourse. I'm changing my policy. I will henceforth only use civil discourse, even with fundies. RA has been an inspiration to me. No matter how stupid people are, he is faultlessly kind, polite, and patient. I resolve to do the same. I'm asking you readers and commenters to do the same. This means no ad hominem attacks. Yes, you may still use profanity. Because of my new civil discourse policy, I will not be adminstering any blog ass-whuppings.

Pray

So I've sort of stopped praying. I pray for a few friends that are in painful circumstances, and I pray for the hot, hairdresser wife, but it's sporadic at best. I'm sure God likes her more than me anyway, as she's hot and very likeable and a damn nice person. If I was God, I'd give her whatever she asked for.

So, why pray? Seriously. I'm trying to figure this out. The first person that says "pray because it changes you" gets a blog ass-whupping. Why pray? Does it do anything? Does God weigh our prayers and act if there are enough prayers to tip the scales? I know I can be somewhat anal retentive about these things, and I'm sure some people are okay with doing these things because "the Bible says so" or something like that. And I realize we don't get answers for everything. But why pray? Help.

Aging Parents

I've been on the phone with my mother twice this week. The hot, hairdresser wife just informed me that I've never mentioned my mother on the blog before. I really don't think my parents are all that interesting, so why mention her? I've got a mom. You've got a mom. It's part of the human condition until cloning is perfected. Anyway...

My mom wanted me to check out Dr. Lorraine Day. She's ordered some video tapes from this woman who allegedly cured herself of cancer. My mother is easily taken in by health quacks: coral calcium, natural foods, no antihistamines, no pain killers, no meat, etc. It's always something.

While checking out this Dr. Day, I discovered she is a sympathizer with Holocaust deniers. Good friends with a couple. Maybe believes it herself. Who knows? My mother was concerned because she found some universalism in this woman's theology. Universalism is the least of my concerns now. I guess I never expected my parents to get to the point that they would get taken in by snake oil salesmen. (Other than voting for Bush.) Is it going to happen to me eventually too? Will the hot, hairdresser wife come home to find me injecting bat urine while wearing electric warmers on my testicles or something? Please, Lord, no. Not that.

And One From the Hot, Poetic Hairdresser Wife

Kylie heard rumors
SpongeBob SquarePants makes you gay
No more news for her

A Senryu for James Dobson

Have you ever seen
A gay starfish? James Dobson
Found one on TV

Southern Racists...I Mean Baptists (Revised)

Ron Sider writing in the current issue of Books & Culture:

In 1989 George Gallup, Jr. and James Castelli published the results of a survey to determine which groups in the U.S. were least and most likely to object to having black neighbors...20 percent of Southern Baptists objected to black neighbors.

The SBC folk ranked first (or is it worst) in their unwillingness to live next door to a black family. I'm shocked (Shocked!). As if that isn't enough, he goes on to quote Christian Smith, a sociologist who has always been very fair to the evangelical subculture, and Michael O. Emerson from their book Divided by Faith:

White evangelicalism likely does more to perpetuate the racialized society than to reduce it.

Surely not. We're supposed to be a people formed by Galatians 3:28. You know, no slave or free, Jew or Greek, male or female. We're all one. Right? Please. Oh, Sider's not done:

White conservative Protestants are more than twice as likely as other whites to blame lack of equality (e.g. income) between blacks and whites on a lack of black motivation rather than discrimination.

Surprised? There was a letter in the Dallas Morning News religion section today from a Dallas man who said he was weary of all the discrimination talk. He asserts that systemic racism is a thing of the past. Wow! I'm sure that African-Americans, Latinos, and other minorities will be happy to learn that. Whatever it is they've been facing since the death of Dr. King is not discrimination. That's got to be a HUGE relief. Honestly, I think Christian has officially become a dirty word. Evangelical has been for a long time.

The article is titled "The Scandal of the Evangelical Conscience."

Grace

My toe is broken. I was kicking some laundry in the utility room. Unfortunately, my pinkie toe hit the door jamb before it hit the towels. Pain shot through my toe. So much pain I couldn't cuss. I grabbed the door jamb and and took deep breaths, waiting for sanity to return. I saw a movie once where a guy had his toes smashed with a hammer for not cooperating with the interrogator. I now understand his pain. It is visceral. It is real. It is the most real thing I've ever felt. Despite my sports and crime background, I've never broken a bone (with one exception, and it's a story my wife forbids me to tell publicly). You'd think I'd have broken a bone fighting off paramours in the penitentiary, but no...I save the broken bone for something mundane. Something like laundry. Something like impatience with laundry in the floor. So now, the third great love of my life—behind the hot, hairdresser wife and the pit bull named Elsie—basketball, must wait 'til the pinkie toe recovers. I can feel the pounds piling on as I type...

I Think I Saw Rove's Arm Up His Ass...

Some reactions from the inaugural address:

All who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know:  The United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors.  When you stand for your liberty, we will stand with you.

Unless you live in the Darfur region of the Sudan (or almost anywhere else in Africa), or North Korea, or Saudi Arabia, or China...

Democratic reformers facing repression, prison, or exile can know: America sees you for who you are, the future leaders of your free country.

Unless you have Marxist leanings or refuse to submit to the economic plan U.S. corporations have for your country. Then we'll call you a communist or oppressor and have you assassinated or ousted.

And all the allies of the United States can know: We honor your friendship, we rely on your counsel, and we depend on your help. Division among free nations is a primary goal of freedom's enemies. The concerted effort of free nations to promote democracy is a prelude to our enemies' defeat.

Unless there is something I want to do and you won't go along. Then we'll rename our foods, call you all gay or cowardly or gay cowards, and insist that we don't need no stinkin' commie U.N. loving allies.

Yet, because we have acted in the great liberating tradition of this nation, tens of millions have achieved their freedom.

And thousands of innocent men, women, and children are dead, but hey...to make an omelette...