The hot, disappointed hairdresser wife told me I could not be an elitist and a Christian; I'm writing this anyway.
We went to lunch at Trapper's today. For those of you not from around here, it's a Cajun-themed restaurant with pretty good food that sits right where north and south OKC come together, adjacent to I-40. Trapper's is always full of men at lunch. The area around it is somewhat industrial, so women in those sorts of businesses are in short supply. That means tons of embroidered logos on golf shirts, leather belts with metal accents, Wrangler jeans, mustaches, thick Oklahoma accents, and a whole bunch of poor shoe choices.
We are seated in the second booth in a row of four along the back wall. The first booth is occupied by two men in embroidered golf shirts and khakis. The hottie has her back to them; I am facing a largish fellow in a red, golf shirt with Mohawk embroidered on it. That probably means he works for Mohawk Carpet company. Probably a sales rep. Sales reps always wear khakis. He's holding forth on Scripture when we sit down.
"That's why Paul wrote those letters, 'cause the church was having problems even back then. So the Catholic Church controls the Bible, won't let anyone read it 'cause the priests don't want people knowin' what it really says. Some folks read it anyway and they learned. They protested against what was being done by the Catholic Church, you know, Protestants."
Elitist point number one: Religion should be treated the same as other professional endeavors, with one exception (which I'll come to in a moment). I do not sit down with friends and hold forth about cardiology or psychiatry or horticulture. I have spent exactly zero time studying them. The fact that I've been in hospitals, nurseries, doctors offices, and greenhouses, or have had friends that pursued those professions does not make me an expert on any of them. Therefore, my opinion regarding them should be disregarded. The same is true of biblical studies, church history, and ecclesiology. The fact that someone has sat in church for one year or fifty years in no way qualifies them to know anything about religion, or Christianity and the Bible in particular. If you haven't studied, I feel free to disregard your opinion. Unfortunately, religion seems to be the only field of interest, except sports, where amateurs feel free to pontificate and then get offended if you disagree or argue, as if it's all a matter of opinion. The exception: there are some people who through a life of service, commitment, Bible reading, prayer, church attendance, and listening actually become something like a saint. They should be heeded even if they've never seen the inside of a college.
Mohawk man continued to talk about nearly everything you would expect a middle class, white, sales rep, church-going, somewhat redneck-ish Oklahoman to talk about. Here is a smattering.
Speaking of Arab Americans: "We should do what we did to Japanese people during WWII, you know, put 'em in those camps. Wouldn't be any sleeper cells that way." Nor would there be civil rights in America for non-white folk, but I think Mohawk guy is okay with that. Because...
Speaking of African Americans: "Those folks down in New Orleans are just used to hand outs. Hell, take any rich man, if he gives his kid everything, that kid won't appreciate it. Black people used to be oppressed but they had morals back then, you know, families were together, moms and dads. Now look what's happened." By which he appears to be arguing that Jim Crow was a good thing because it built character? Or that white people aren't in any way responsible for the plight of African Americans? And now to border policy...
"They can just sneak across the border into Texas. That's what them Muslims are doing. People in south Texas are always finding Muslim prayer rugs on their property." I did not make that up. The hottie heard it too. I probably don't even need to editorialize on something that blatantly stupid. I may be wrong, but I'm thinking you're more likely to find a chupacabra in a south Texas prairie than a prayer rug.
These were some of the more egregious examples of what people in the Heartland think. Some of his stuff was benign, some stupid, some ignorant, and some funny. All of it was pathetic. I know; I'm an elitist. So...
Elitist point number two: If you are caught using talking points from the right or the left, you should be prohibited from voting in the next election. If you are caught using phrases or ideas from talk radio, you should lose your voting privileges for not less than five years. If the radio host ceases broadcasting within that five years, you may have your privileges reinstated at the end of that calendar year so long as you promise never to mention him or his ideas again.
Elitist point three: Multiculturalism is here. Deal with it. I'm tired of feeling like a bad guy because I think people like Mohawk man are raving lunatics. He is a lunatic. Anyone who wants to put an entire race in internment camps is a lunatic. Anyone who reads the Bible and goes to church and still is a functional racist is a lunatic. That may be elitist, but I can live with that.
Here was my hands-down favorite moment from the conversation: "And all those idologies...idolagies...what's the word? (Friend helps.) Yeah, ideologies, you know socialism, um...that sort of stuff..." Trailed off there. He could only think of one ideology and then couldn't remember what he didn't like about them, or perhaps in a timely epiphany, he realized he was espousing about a half dozen.
This guy probably makes decent money. He probably drives a fairly new automobile. He probably goes to a Southern Baptist church (and I say that because one in four Christians in OK do). He probably lives in a non-descript suburban home in Moore or Mustang or Yukon. He probably has a wife and a couple kids. He appears to be completely normal from all outward appearances. His clients probably think he's efficient if somewhat too talkative. His Sunday School class probably shares many of his values if not his outspokenness, and many of them have learned to couch their prejudices in spiritual language so those ideas don't sound like racism or xenophobia or the worship of capitalist ideals. They probably think of him as much like them. His pastor probably knows him as a guy that can fix things or who shows up for men's ministry all the time. His neighbors see his OU flag on game day, and they see him taking his kids to ball practice, and they wave at him when he mows the lawn. He's a normal, functional, average, Christian, heartland American. I find that very troubling.
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