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Throwback Embarrassment

It's things like this that make it difficult for me to utter the phrase "I'm a Christian."

Saw a blurb about this in U.S Catholic. The guy who came up with the idea said something about making something that was cool for kids but was also a positive witness. A few observations:

  • Christians should studiously avoid the word "cool" as a descriptor for at least three reasons:
    1. It has no real meaning. It simply communicates "I like this thing and lots of other people do too," whatever the thing is.
    2. Saying something is cool is just one way of saying that I can't find anything substantive to say in its defense, so I'll resort to a nebulous category called cool.
    3. Churches started marketing themselves as "casual, contemporary, cool" in the '90's, making the word, and the churches, even more ridiculously hard to define, and ridiculous.
  • If it has a Bible verse on it, it ain't cool.
  • Why should Christians care about being cool?
  • Use of the phrase "that's cool" to mean "I understand" or "that's fine with me" is acceptable.
  • Feeding poor people is a good witness. Serving in a battered women's shelter is a good witness. Adopting an at-risk child is a good witness. A Kobe Bryant jersey that says Luke 8 instead of Lakers 8, is not a witness of any kind, except maybe a witness of how vacuous the Christian subculture has become.

Wired Parish

Go here and you'll find my name. More info later. I've worked like a sharecropper all day (moved 4000 pounds of tile into my garage) and cooked a large meal at church. Now I want to watch the Lakers and Kings play ugly, ugly basketball while I drink enough cabernet to get sleepy enough to sleep past 8:00 a.m.

An Ad for American Megachurches

Phil sent this to me. It's genius. Much of their stuff is standard evangelical schlock, but I love this.

The Sanest Man in Great Britain?

Terry Mattingly has a column about N.T. Wright's address to the House of Lords. And here is the link to the whole speech—it's quite short—on Wright's page.

Miscellaneous and a Beer Update

Light blogging lately. I've not been up to it. I finally interviewed at my alma mater today and will begin adjunct work in the adult studies department soon. Looks like I might get two course initially: personal and professional values and Biblical perspectives. Since these are taught for the adult studies/degree completion crowd, the mix of beliefs in the room is much more interesting than a standard religion class on campus.

I'd like to congratulate an old friend/nemesis Ray Sanders on being hired as the new editor of the Baptist Messenger here in Oklahoma. The Baptist Messenger is the newspaper of the state Baptist convention. I prefer to call the title the Minister of Propaganda for the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma, but perhaps Ray will imbue the office with more dignity and honesty than his predecessor.

After two years of regular visits to Tapwerks and regular apologies consisting of some variation of "Sorry, no Schneider," my favorite biergarten finally received a brand new keg of Schneider Aventinus. It's an odd beer. Listed under the darks, but looks more like an amber. Citrus up front, but a very complex, woodsy sort of finish. I really like it, but not enough to replace my beloved Celebrator.

Tagged, First Time Ever, Thank God

I'm supposed to put four things for real, but under each heading only one will be legitimate. Can you guess?

4 Jobs I've Had

Prison Cook
Gay Bar Bouncer
Food Taster
Dog Walker

4 Goals I Set For This Year

Win a date with Carmen Electra
Rid Myself of Genital Warts, Finally
Finish Writing a Book
Speak in tongues at a large gathering of Nazarenes

4 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over

George of the Jungle II
The Sound of Music
First Blood
Sleepless in Seattle

4 Places I Have Lived

Weed, CA
Dalhart, TX
Bowlegs, OK
Buffalo Hump, ID

4 TV Shows I Love To Watch

Walton Family Reunions
Reruns of Sabrina, The Teenage Witch
Oprah
NBA on TNT

4 Places I Have Been on Vacation

London
Moscow
Beijing
Seoul

4 Websites I Visit Daily

Lifechurch.tv
JoelOsteen.com
TheBibleAnswerMan.com
Hotmail.com

4 Of My Favorite Foods

Haggis
Oxtail Soup
Filet at The Ranch
Liver and Onions

4 Places I'd Rather Be Right Now

CO, preferably Rocky Mountain National Park
Lakewood Church
Victory Christian Center
John Hagee's breakfast nook

And I won't be tagging anyone else.

Please Don't Hurt Me, Mr. Prayer Warrior

Driving back from Border's, where I picked up Paste #20, I saw this bumper sticker:

I PRAY: Get Used To It!

I don't even know what to say. Someone post something funny in the comments. Please.

Note to Rick Warren: Pay Attention

A fantastic story about Bruce "Jabez" Wilkinson's failure in Swaziland due to gross misunderstanding of African culture and history, as well as plain old American arrogance. Might as well throw in bad theology while we're at it. Purpose Driven Nation planners in Rwanda should take note. Thanks to Reverend Jason for the link.

Evil Homosexuals and Pop Stars Masquerading as Messiahs

A friend forwarded an email to me this week. (No, he doesn't believe what's in it either. I think he was just trying to provoke me.) Here's what it says.

NBC, fresh from giving us the anti-Christian The Book of Daniel, has decided to hit back at the Christian community by presenting an episode of Will and Grace which mocks the crucifixion of Christ. On the April 13 edition of NBC's Will and Grace, Britney Spears will appear as a Christian conservative sidekick to Sean Hayes' homosexual character, Jack, who hosts his own talk show. Jack's fictional network, Out TV, is bought by a Christian TV network, leading to Spears contributing a cooking segment called "Cruci-fixin's." To further denigrate Christianity, NBC chose to air it the night before Good Friday.

NBC does not treat Jews, Muslims or other religions with such disrespect. Yet the network demonstrates a deep of hostility toward followers of Christ. These are things we can do by taking action:

  1. Call your local NBC affiliate and ask them not to air the April 13 episode of Will and Grace. Ask others to call. Click here to find your local NBC station.
  2. Click here to send a letter to NBC Chairman Bob Wright. Ask your pastor to run a notice in your church bulletins and newsletters and request members to go to www.afa.net and send the email to NBC Chairman Wright.
  3. Click here to print out a petition(pdf) asking your local NBC affiliate not to air the April 13 episode and distribute it to your Sunday School class and fellow church members.

*ALSO- singer/rapper Kanye West decided to do his own little display of (what I see as) Christian mockery. Check it out for yourself at www.rollingstone.com

Here we go, in no particular order:

  • Is it possible that NBC is not mocking Christ or the crucifixion? Is it possible they are mocking the uncanny ability of Christians to kitsch-ify anything sacred having to do with their own faith?
  • If you put something on a tee shirt or bumper sticker, shouldn't it be fair game for parody?
  • Especially if that tee shirt reads "This blood's for you!"?
  • Does it matter that Jack's character is a homosexual? How does that increase the severity of NBC's alleged blasphemy? Is it less serious if a heterosexual hosts a show called Cruci-fixins? If so, what is the exact multiplier we should use to quantify the gravity of a gay versus non-gay sin?
  • Why didn't they mention the real sin here: having a fake star like Britney Spears appear on anything?
  • If Will and Grace usually appears on Thursday nights, is it a deliberate slap in the face of Christians that Thursday happens to fall before Friday? I don't think NBC has anything to do with the way the days of the week are arranged. Should they move the show to Wednesday or Monday that week?
  • Jews and Muslims are such a small percentage of the U.S. population that making fun of them would not necessarily be understood by a majority of Americans. However, Christians, by acting like knuckleheads on a regular basis, have made their peccadillos easy for the uninitiated to understand. Also, Jews and Muslims aren't the ones making the tee shirts.
  • Write, call, blah, blah, blah. Once again, let's make sure America realizes that conservative Christians take themselves way too seriously and should have the world the way they want it. That will surely advance the kingdom of God. (This can be read as a note to certain Muslim extremists who are currently misbehaving around the world as well.)
  • Kanye's mockery was to appear in a crown of thorns on RollingStone.com. Jesus was not the first or last person to be crucified. He probably wasn't the first to wear a crown of thorns either. The method and severity of his execution are not nearly as important as fundangelicals pretend they are. Yes, Kanye was making a statement about persecution, and he might even have a bit of a Messiah complex, but until someone does better trip-hop, leave the man alone. Besides, the best way to deal with exhibitionism is to ignore it not draw attention to it. Do you really believe that drawing attention to an attention hound is going to solve the problem?

In Case You're Not a Southern Baptist in Oklahoma

I filed two stories in the past three weeks about Enid, OK, pastor Wade Burleson. Some of you are familiar with the story. Others aren't. Stay with me either way. The International Mission Board of the SBC passed a motion to have Burleson removed from the IMB. Burleson has been very critical of the IMB's policy changes in November '05 concerning the qualifications of missionary candidates. At the risk of oversimplifying, the changes were that candidates who spoke in tongues in a "private prayer language" were disqualified and that candidates who hadn't been baptized in a particular way by a qualified minister were disqualified. Burleson argued that both these policy changes were unnecessary. In the case of tongues he argued that a policy was already in place that says any SBC minister who speaks in tongues publicly will lose his job. He didn't like the baptism change because it moved the denomination back to the days of Landmark Baptists—those Baptists who sought a purified church and purified clergy by asserting certain litmus tests were a necessity for qualification.

The IMB has asked the SBC to remove Burleson at the annual convention in Greensboro in June. I interviewed Tom Hatley, the chair of the IMB board of trustees, and he said he believed the situation would be remedied before it ever came to a vote at the convention. Burleson has said on his blog that he expects the board of trustees to rescind the motion at one of the two meetings remaining before the annual convention. I'm willing to bet on it. The reasons would take up another whole post, and I may do it later, but tonight I want to address the odd position Burleson is in and why.

In the 1980's and '90's when the fundamentalists were taking over the SBC, men like Paige Patterson, Paul Pressler and Adrian Rodgers were considered heroes of the faith. They were taking the faith back from the evil liberals (neo-orthodox is the word Burleson uses on his blog) and returning the SBC to the conservatives. They didn't call themselves fundamentalists, and even Al Mohler has yet to be honest about their theological position: he recently referred to the SBC as evangelical. Well, Al, if by evangelical you mean fundamentalist, then you're right.

Now that Pressler and Patterson have turned their guns on Jerry Rankin, the president of the IMB, the conservatives are singing a different song. Burleson laments that the conservatives are cannibalizing each other. See, in the '80's and '90's it was necessary for the liberals and moderates to be run out of their jobs, to have their careers destroyed, and to have their fidelity to Christ called into question. Then it was about theology and orthodoxy. Burleson and some of his supporters really believe that. They don't understand that people who are willng to protect "orthodoxy" by destroying other people's careers are not pastors or theologians; they are politicians. Guess what? When you hire hit men to run your business, don't be surprised if the killing doesn't stop exactly when you want it to. It was never about theology for men like Patterson; it was always about power.

Burleson is defending "historic Baptist principles" but no one was defending these historic Baptist principles when Dilday was run out of town or when missionaries were fired or when professors lost tenure. All the conservatives who were on the fence wrung their hands and assumed it was necessary for the cause of Christ. Folks, the cause of Christ does not require pollitics or violence or the destruction of people's lives. I spoke with a staff pastor at an SBC church this week and told him I thought this was the chickens coming home to roost. He insisted that this was different. This was a case of conservatives going after each other. So, it's okay as long as conservatives are going after moderates? The way we do things matters. The spirit in which we do things matters.

The delicious irony here is that Burleson really believes neo-orthodoxy was in its death throes in the '80's when Patterson and Co. put it out of its misery. Wade, have you heard of the emergent church? Have you heard of postmodern theology? Both are based on the neo-orthodox ideas expounded by Barth. They will be here long after fundies like Patterson and his ilk are gone or reduced in power to some sort of mid-21st century Amish-like community. They have resiliency and longevity precisely because they are based on a way—the Way of Christ. That's more than I can say for a denomination that subjugates women, denies missionaries who speak in tongues a job, and fires pastors and professors who belive the Bible is inspired but not inerrant.