the parish

Can't Chuck Colson Empty the Trash or Something?

I'm on the verge of canceling my Christianity Today subscription. I've had it uninterrupted since 1992. I'm irritated with the overall tone of the magazine, which seems far more conservative than I remember. Although it is possible that I've just become so comfortably post-evangelical that they seem full of...you know..to me. However, I can stand the tone since I really take the magazine to see what the center is all about, but I can't take much more Chuck Colson. I'm really weary of him mischaracterizing postmodernity as relativism. I'm weary of him talking about judges as if we have more to fear from them than from the lunatics that conservative white folk keep electing to the federal offices. I'm weary of him not understanding that the Gospel is political, but not in the way he says it is. I'm also weary of him pretending to understand theology, when all he is really doing is writing something he heard and liked because it made him feel better about a conservative position he already held. (I'm thinking of Russell Kirk, Edmund Burke, and Herbert Schlossberg, not real theologians.)

The latest issue has another rant about federal judges making decisions that will imperil something else. I actually agree with his position this time--the decision is about the voluntary faith-based prison programs that have greatly reduced recidivism rates. Since I've been in prison, I get to have an opinion about this. If you're working from a purely theoretical perspective, then prepare to be mocked if you post your opinion on this tangential issue. (i.e., you belong to Americans United for the Separation of Church and State but have never actually spent any time in the pokey, then I won't take your opinion seriously. You have to sleep surrounded by 1400 men you hope don't try to kill you or rape you in the middle of the night before you get to decide what is best for those poor inmates.)

The federal judge called the sort of evangelical atonement theology held by Prison Fellowship (the substitutionary and atoning death of Jesus) "a legalistic understanding of the sacrifice of Jesus, not shared by many Christians." Colson then harrumphs: "So much for the central tenet of every historic creed and confession of the Christian church." Really? Every creed? Seriously guys, make this guy your water cooler lackey or something.

I don't think Chuck wants to go back to the earliest and best confession: Christ is Lord. Or how 'bout the creed in I Timothy (late first century, probably not Paul, but pauline): "Without controversy, the mystery of godliness is great: God was revealed in the flesh, justified in the spirit, seen by angels, preached among the nations, believed on in the world, and received up in glory." No substitution there. I don't need to recite the Apostle's Creed. You can google it. In it you will find not a single mention of substitution or atonement. Jesus "suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead, and buried." That's it. The first creed of the post-apostolic church says nothing about substitution. Now, his death could have been substitutionary and atoning, but the creed doesn't say that. My Catholic friends know that you have to get to the Athanasian or Nicene Creeds before the language of substitution starts to creep in.

As to central tenet? Did Jesus teach that his substitutionary and atoning death was the central tenet of the faith? I believe he preached "the Gospel of the kingdom." He did mention in Mark that he came to give his life a ransom for many, but that's not substitution language, that's ransom language.

Perhaps Chuck was just resorting to hyperbole. I really don't think he was. I think fundangelical Christians have so come to believe that substitution and atonement are central to their faith, that every Scripture and every creed they read, they filter through that assumption. It's not hyperbole when I say, please, CT, for the sake of my ongoing subscription, let Chuck empty the trash or something, but for everyone's sake, keep him away from theology.

Conversational Snippet and a Beer Update

Having dinner with the hot, philological hairdresser wife last night at an Italian place. She orders the ravioli al forno. This after a chocolate martini and a half glass of wine.

"Al forno. That reminds me of fornicate," the etymological daredevil says.

"Forno means cheese," I tell her.

"I thought it was fromage."

"That's French. Forno is Italian."

"Hmm...forno, fornicate. Yup. Sound similar to me," she insists.

"That's because the word fornicate actually means 'to make cheese.'"

"Really?!...(brief pause)...UH-UH! You had me there for a second. Ha! That's funny. Make cheese. Kinda gross too."

She is a hoot a minute after one drink. Two drinks, she needs to go to sleep.

Had two new (for me) beers yesterday. Urthel Samaranth. 11% alcohol in that one. Delicious though. Smoky and citrusy at the same time. Also tried Pauwel Kwak. Another Beligan beer. My German favorites are starting to lose out to the Belgians. This one was just a little sweet and a little malty, not as malty as Aventinus. Also a very good beer.

Two Plugs, One for a Friend and One for Strangers

Nick is back at it. Check out his new art site at www.irrelevantart.com. Buy something from him. We have one of his pieces hanging at kaleo.

Second, you have to watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I've caught four episodes in two weeks, and I think I'm in love. It's the best thing I've seen on television since they cancelled Arrested Development. One of the highlights tonight: "Let's go toe-to-toe on the Bible, bitch!" Irreverent, satirical, painful at times, crude, funny, and brilliant occasionally.

Two Signs, Local and National, That We Live in Bizarro World

First, W signed a 25-year extension of the Voting Rights Act. I understand why rednecks and reluctant politicos wrote the original law to expire. I don't agree but I understand. I don't understand why we don't just make it a permanent change this time. What the hell kind of message are we sending? "We're giving you black folk 25 more years. If you screw it up, it's back to racist tests and terrorism."

Second, a senior pastor of a local church, the denomination of which shall remain a mystery (unless you know what Dallas, New Orleans, and San Francisco all have in common), called me back on an interview for a story. He's also the spokesperson for a local affiliation of churches. His organization passed a resolution recently that was less than kind about another local church. When I asked for a comment he said, "It would be inappropriate for me to comment on that. But if you want to know what I think, my blog address is..." I'm not making that up. In his official capacity he can't comment, but he can send journalists to his blog? Does he think that's not an official comment? Think we can't print it? Or is his desire to drive traffic to his very new blog greater than his judgment? Vanity, thy name is senior pastor...

WiredParish.com Teasers

Jay has posted some podcasts at wiredparish.com including the second show Jon and I did: bearing witness. You'll find a "free stuff" link on the bottom left. The podcast is there, easy to spot; it's called the parish. Jay's interview with Rob Bell is also there.

Don't Look at Me (has nothing to do with the faux pop star Stacie Orrico)

Terry Mattingly has another excellent column this week. He reports on a study by Robert Woods of Spring Arbor University. (I've never heard of it either.) He surveyed readers of the Left Behind series and discovered that the average reader (big surprise coming) "is a female, married, white, evangelical, politically conservative, Bible-Belt resident who is between 30-something and 50-something and who goes to church almost as often as she consumes Christian mass media."

The numbers looked like this: "While nearly 69 percent were, as expected, evangelical and mainline Protestants, 8.6 percent of the readers were Catholics and the remaining 22.8 percent said they practiced Islam, Judaism, Buddhism or another world religion."

That last figure is not a misprint. Almost 23 percent of Left Behind readers are non-Christian. Now, while LaHaye, Jenkins, and Nelson Publishing think this is a good thing, I'm a bit troubled by its potential downside. Woods reports that those 22.8 percent were curious about Evangelicals, the Bible, and the end times. In other words, they read the books to get an idea of what "we" think. Except I'm not one of the "we." Nor are most people I know. I do know some Pentecostals and Baptists that still believe this nonsense, but most of the folks I hang around with, many of whom would call themselves Evangelical, don't share any assumptions of the Left Behind worldview, nor do they believe any of the pseudo-theology and sloppy exegesis that makes the scenario possible. So, 22.8 percent of 70 million readers (you do the math; I'm sans calculator right now) think that Evangelicals as a group read the Bible the way LaHaye and Jenkins do. Is it any wonder it's getting harder to talk to each other?

Pizza, Pizza, and Jesus (Lifechurch.tv Expands Plans for World Domination)

I heard a rumor. Just a rumor, mind you. Confirmed by a couple people, reliable people. They can't guarantee it's true. I tracked the rumor via google and discovered it's been floating around since November '04. It seems to have gained new strength, and I understand it's because things are finally coming together for the hydra-headed megachurch moving into my neck of the woods.

Lifechurch.tv has not had a presence in NW Oklahoma City since they made the move to Edmond in the late 90's. Their closest campus to the nicer quadrant of NW OKC was in south central Edmond, about 14 miles from my house. According to the rumors, they started negotiating a deal with the owners of an abandoned Wal-Mart about 2 1/2 miles east of me. This places them in Warr Acres, a small community in NW OKC. Half the building now houses Incredible Pizza, a pizza and arcade owned by the Green family, owners of Mardel, Hobby Lobby, and Hemispheres, and financiers/executive producers of The End of the Spear. The pizza joint has a huge marquee out front where Scriptures scroll by for the 200,000 cars per day that pass NW Expressway and MacArthur. (It's likely that about 40 percent of those are the same cars commuting back and forth to work.) Inside, young black and Latino teenagers, employed by Incredible Pizza, help recreate a cracker utopia from ca. 1955. The business occupies about half of the 50,000 square feet, maybe a little more.

The rumor is that Lifechurch.tv will be moving into the other "half" of the building. This leads to a dilemma for NW OKC families who will no doubt flock to the mecca of cracker-ass consumer churchianity: how will they know where the pizza joint stops and the church starts? At the main campus disneyesque toys greet children, and games and food abound, much like the pizza place. Entertaining and meeting felt needs are the tasks of both businesses. I assume there will be a wall between the two businesses, but how will people know which door to enter? I know what you're thinking: of course, it will say Lifechurch.tv above the door. I understand, and that would be the reasonable thing to do, but since the hydra-headed mega is always functioning close to the red because of their low-ball commitment pitch and the gross amounts of money spent on staff and technology, won't it be sorely tempting to knock a hole in the wall and save a few dollars on toys and pizzas? It's a conundrum.

(Can't wait to hear from some of the faithful on this one. Oh, and if this rumor is unfounded, ignore the entire post.)

Another interesting angle to this story is the friendship between the pastor of Lifechurch.tv and Victory Christian Center, another OKC hydra-headed mega only 3 miles south of the Incredible Pizza location. (This didn't stop the original hydra-headed mega from moving into the neighborhood of a sister church in south OKC either. The rest of us need Lifechurch.tv to steal our members and show us how to do church right.) We'll see how VCC fares if Lifechurch.tv moves into the neighborhood.

Birthday Week Miscellanea

I turn 42 on Tuesday. Weird. I've long since lost any sense of how I "ought" to feel about a particular age. I just can't believe I've actually become so old. Anyway, the thoughtful, hot hairdresser wife and I have a birthday tradition: birthday month and birthday week. Birthday month features occasional gifts and celebrations. Birthday week is something every day. To kick off birthday week we went to Bin 73, a wonderful little wine and tapas bar in NW OKC. I had a 2002 Silver Oak Napa Valley cab to celebrate. Ahh...

Saw a church sign today. I'm hoping it's not an example of triumphalism, but I suspect it is. It reads: Someday you'll be in charge of what's on this sign.

My first thought was, what the hell does that even mean. My second thought was, oh, I bet they're saying that after the rapture, they won't be manning the signage anymore. It was an Assembly of God church, so I'm guessing they're Rapturions. However, the sign is so vague that an average non-Christian wouldn't be able to decipher it. Also, does the sign mean that everyone who reads the sign will be in charge of it. Because if it does, it means they are getting raptured and the rest of OKC is not. As much as I hope that is true, it seems a bit over the top.

It's likely that the church has received some complaints about their sign. Why else put those words on the sign? This is the same church who offered Jesus in lieu of "getting washed away in a flood" immediately after the Aceh tsunami. They've had a couple other lovelies the past few years.

The funniest sign of the week has to be the Lutheran church over on N. Meridian here in OKC though: No postmodernity in here. I don't even know what to say about that.

Woof, Woof (Revised Twice)

What's that, Elsie? Rapture?

(Elsie is the parish pitbull.)

Woof, Woof!

You'll be raptured?! That's fantastic. How do you know?

Woof, Woof!

(Okay, I give up. I linked to two different sites that featured "Animals Go to Heaven?" Both sites don't allow deep linking. Aargh. It's a book, vhs, and dvd that features "biblical proof" that your favorite pet will be in heaven. There was a banner ad on Jack Van Impe's site, and I followed it. Alas, you'll have to google it if you want to see it. I was mainly amused by the reference to biblical proof and Walvoord being included as one of the twelve greatest theologians. This is the guy who wrote "Armageddon, Oil, and the Middle East" when Desert Storm broke out. It was going to be the beginning of the end times, just as I suspect there will be more than a few books about the current Israel/Hizbollah conflict. And J. Vernon McGee as a great theologian? Yeah, so were Ellen White and Herbert W. Armstrong. But, the joke is ruined and I'm having to write this long-ass explanation because I can't find suitable links on crappy Xian sites.)

Elsie and I also agree that to list Walvoord, J. Vernon McGee and Billy Graham among "twelve of the greatest Christian theologians" seems a bit hyperbolic, but I think they really mean it. We obviously have different working definitions of theology, theologian, and greatest.

New Chapter

For those of you who are reading, I just posted a new chapter on praxis.