Thank you so much for having the race cars in front of your church on Sunday. My son, Joe Dirt, Jr., and I were driving by on our way to get chicken fried steak and eggs for our normal shabbos fast breaking when we saw the Avalance Racing truck in your church parking lot. Junior said, "Daddy, is that NASCAR?" I said, "Shit no, son. That's not even Busch Series." Then we saw the cars! Beautiful race cars. Four of 'em. I did a U-turn in the middle of Northwest Expressway--drove over the median--I hope God forgives me for not obeying the law of the land. But the race cars!
I wish you coulda seen Little Joe's face. The light of the lord, or Dale Earnhardt (tell me it's a coincidence his number was 3, just like the Trinity, and I'll call you a damned liar), was in his face. We were a little nervous walking in to your service, and I'm really sorry we were 20 minutes late, but I couldn't get Junior away from the beautiful race cars. (Good thing they ain't got titties or I'da never got him inside. Me either, if I was to be honest...)
Anyway, we were saved this morning thanks to your race cars and Pastor Tony's admittedly disjointed and rambling message. I still don't know what race cars have to do with Christianity, but if they're allowed, I'll feel closer to Jesus. So will Junior. If other churches cared as much for the lost as y'all did, they'd have race cars out front too. Or Hooters girls. Maybe some Bassmaster guys. That would kick ass, just like my old Trans Am. Man, she was beautiful: black with t-tops and a gold bird. I used to crank Molly Hatchet and smoke weed til I...Oh, sorry, Jesus.
If I might offer a word of advice in addition to my thanks, I'd recommend that next time you give Hot Wheels replicas for each person that accepts Jesus as their lord and savior. That would kick ass!
Thanks, Northview
Joe Dirt, Sr.
After reading that beautiful letter, I visited the church website and found this promo paragraph:
Fathers won't want to miss Dadpalooza on June 21st at Northview. Muscle cars and motorcycles and breakfast just for the men provided by our youth department. Don't miss it!Alas, I missed it.
