My only child was born nearly 13 years ago. It took me about three years to conceive her. Well that isn't true exactly. It took only about three minutes but we had been trying for three years (3 surgeries and fertility meds). I nursed her for nine months, taking breaks from work to go to her sitter's house (I couldn't pump). She has been strong-willed since about six months with a stint of defiance through the toddler years. We over came that with prayer, counseling, anti-depressants, and spanking. But not once has she shown strong signs of separation anxiety.
Before she was one she'd cry when she had to leave her friends at the sitter's house. The first day of kindergarten she showed mild concern that I was going to leave her with strangers but told me that it was ok for me to leave. She began asking to stay home by herself when she was nine and began babysitting other kids at ten. Always mature and self sufficient she cooks for herself, does her own laundry, sets an alarm and keeps up with scheduled events.
Recently I've noticed that she's been spending more time at school events and with friends. She keeps her bedroom door closed and she's on the phone a lot. I should be used to her independence but I'm not. I like that she is responsible and self secure but I want her to need me, to want me.
I understand that all typical kids go through the individualization stage and that is normal and good. So why am I so sad? I miss her.
At 3pm yesterday she texted me and asked if she could 'go the B-Ball game & BTW I gonna need $.' We have a policy that if she isn't grounded and has her chores and homework done that she can pretty do anything she wants. The only reason she's been grounded in a very long time is low grades and she finally realized that it behooves her to keep them up. So I had no good reason to say no. There is another B-Ball game tonight.
I've come to the realization that this is going to get worse not better but I hadn't actually accepted it until last night. Greg and I were at dinner, without Kylie, and it struck me. This is the way it's going to be. More than ever I'm glad I like him. What do people do when they've spent all their energy raising kids and find out that they don't like each other any more?
Greg and I have a lot of fun just being together and I'm ever so grateful for him. I urge anyone who is raising kids right now to spend as much time as you possibly can focusing on your relationship with your spouse. One day very soon you will need them more than ever.
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