The hot, outdoor-loving, hairdresser wife and I took the parish stepchild to SE Oklahoma this weekend to camp with the hhdw's family. You probably should know that SE Oklahoma is similar in topography to western Arkansas, so it is extraordinarily beautiful in places. It is also one of the country-fuckingest places I've ever been. (Yes, I just made fuck a superlative.) You should also know that Susan's family has names like Bobo, BJ, Sissy, Mema, DeeDee, and Boggy--which is to say, they fit right in in that part of the world. It would be unfair not to mention that they are incredibly gracious hosts as well.
Several friends asked me if I was going to be okay camping. Let's see, I grew up in Colorado where I camped in a sleeping bag and ate MRE's. My father drove a maroon 1964 International Harvester Scout with a steel pipe for a front bumper and double steel walls. Since it was so well-equipped, he saw no need to follow marked trails. I survived basic training and federal prison. Ooh, I'm so scared to sleep in a 34', air conditioned trailer at a state park. How will the professor make it? I hope he doesn't get ass raped in the woods like Ned Beatty. Sheesh, people.
It was what you'd expect from a weekend in that part of the world. We rode seadoos, floated around in a pontoon boat, drank alot, told stories, ate alot, gossipped and avoided anything important. Until late yesterday. Those folks being who they are, they can't seem to help using the "n" word. The parish stepchild began to castigate them for it. She, of course, swears like a Bangkok hooker, and they were quick to point out her foul mouth. Not fair, of course. Saying fuck doesn't offend an entire race of people, nor is it necessarily a sign of ignorance. She wasn't able to come up with those answers yet. She will eventually. She did negotiate a deal though. She stopped saying fuck, and they stopped using the "n" word around her. We let her fight it out. At one point, Susan's mom tried to get me to intercede on behalf of the family's side! And people were surprised that Oklahoma went for Hilary. Hmm...
The line of the weekend though was uttered by Susan's brother-in-law. Her sister takes hormone therapy because she had a hysterectomy many years ago. As the time for her shot draws near, she becomes increasingly tense. Spending the weekend with racist, sexist, country-ass males exacerbates the problem. Last night we were all in the trailer and she had had enough. One of her sons said, "Simmer down, mama." Sam, with knife in hand, spun around glaring at her oldest, Cody. Cody's stepdad (Sam's husband) quickly said, "Son, she has a knife in her hand, and she hasn't had her shot." Nuff said.
I could ramble on about enforced gender roles, odd moments of chivalry, surprising moments of insight, being shocked by some of the vocabulary (amenities?), and how much fun it is to actually hang out with people who are soooo different and like you anyway. But you get the idea.
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